Finding hope in unexpected places

Discouragement is like dirty snow the first week of January: If you're not careful, you can track it everywhere. That's where Des Arae Petersen found herself on New Year's Day. She was standing in line at a local grocery store when one small detail could have been the linchpin to derail a whole train. Typically, she'd be at another nearby store a few doors down, but her mom requested fresh Parmesan for lunch, so Petersen headed over to the supermarket instead, figuring her chances were better. Unfortunately, she didn't realize the grocery store's checkouts require Mastercard users to input their PIN numbers. Petersen called her mom, who told her she rarely uses the card and didn't know it. She'd already done her own shopping, and didn't have the funds to cover her mom's items. And then, like grace, like hope, like January sunshine, the unexpected happened. A woman with a baby stepped up. "Put it on mine," she told the cashier, pulling out her card. It was about $65, Petersen said. "You hear about that kind of thing but I don't know what to do when people are nice," she said. Petersen hugged her. The woman didn't hug back. but said "it's OK, we all go through things." and wished her a happy New Year. She also discreetly asked if she needed money to cover Petersen's bill too, but Petersen assured her she paid for that, she just hadn't anticipated the extra unexpected costs. "The things people are going through — you only see the tip of the iceberg," Petersen said. "I was kind of embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't take care of it for my mom, but so grateful. It made a really big, positive impact on my day when most of this week has been so, so difficult. It was good to know people care instead of letting people flounder." Petersen doesn't know who her benefactor was. In her gratitude, she offered only thanks, no introductions. But she hopes the woman might hear of her story through this column, or a post she made on social media, to let her know what her generosity meant to Petersen's family. Petersen's mother, the one whose groceries the woman paid for, was in town for the holidays. She is the sole caregiver for Petersen's 86-year-old grandmother, who has lung cancer and other health conditions. Petersen's mother also has recently been diagnosed with cancer and faces upcoming surgery. The two live on a rural homestead in Missouri, 11 hours away. Petersen's mother was hoping to deliver meals while here in Ohio to make money for gas for the trip and for wood, their primary heating source. The women live off-grid on eight acres, but their wood supplier recently had an accident, delaying a delivery and her mom had been cutting trees off her land with a battery-operated chainsaw every couple hours in the cold, she said. Petersen, whose car had just undergone major repairs, learned the vehicle's entire back end fell off the frame shortly after, hampering her plans to drive to Missouri to help take care of her grandmother so her mother can have her already-postponed surgery. Last year, Petersen moved her father into her home to care for him while he recovered from cancer that took away his eye and parts of his face. He left when she was 3 and wasn't in her life as a child, but he needed care after years of homelessness, addiction and mental illness. Petersen raises two children, works full-time and cares for her dad while he's learning to drive and live again while also helping out however she can with her mom. She recently finished her bachelor's degree. "I can't let people suffer alone," she said. "We had been busting our butts, taking care of two households and three people and my mom — I don't know what to do without her," she continued. "My mom has been the only person I had consistently my whole time. She's still my only person. She's all I've ever had, really," Petersen said. After Petersen posted her thanks on Facebook, a relative and another stranger also sent money for the Missouri trip." Petersen's grown a pretty hard crust. Day after day, the problems kept coming but the answers were few. Until a generous stranger stepped up. Until right there at the register, someone let her know she was not suffering alone either. "I will never see them again, but I want them to know it was nice. And I appreciated it," she said. "I have to be strong for a lot of people and I wanted them to know it, to kind of hold somebody else up for a second like that? I definitely needed it. I needed the gesture. Knowing people care." Some people believe in fate. Some people believe you make your own luck. Maybe what you really need comes to you. Contact Chronicle-Telegram columnist Rini Jeffers at rinijeffers@gmail.com.