'If not us, who?' Mothers launch fight against bullying in local schools

ELYRIA — A small group of mothers gathered in the basement of Pilgrim United Church of Christ on Tuesday for the first meeting of what they hope can grow into a movement to eliminate bullying in Elyria Schools and the community more broadly. Mother Megan Berkel said her daughter had been a victim of habitual bullying in Elyria Schools for years, but a particularly upsetting incident on Friday motivated her to take action. Berkel posted a video on Facebook asking parents to get involved, which generated hundreds of responses. She decided to schedule the meeting on Tuesday to start organizing. The turnout was smaller than she hoped, with only about a dozen attendees, but Berkel said it gave her hope to know that she was not alone in wanting to do something about bullying. Berkel said that she believed there was more that Elyria Schools and the city could do to eliminate bullying and hold bullying students and their parents accountable, including updating policies, adding stricter punishments for bullying and requiring parents of repeat bullies to take classes. Ultimately though, she said, that the issue causing bullying begins at home with parents not holding their kids accountable. "We all have accountability to take," Berkel said. "As adults, as school faculty, but especially as parents. … Children learn off of behavior that they see. That's why I'm pleading with the community and the city and the schools to come together and give our kids a good example of what accepting accountability is. We have to really understand that meaningful discipline is going to be beneficial all the way around for our community." Berkel said that meaningful discipline could include requiring students to participate in community service or to undergo mental health evaluation and treatment. If these options don't stop bullying, perhaps the same punishments could be applied to parents through new city laws, she said. Berkel said that teachers and the Elyria board of education have seemed receptive to her goals, and she plans to speak at the board meeting on Oct. 1. She said to the attendees that "the schools are not our enemy." Elyria Schools Superintendent Ann Schloss said members of the district have been in contact with Berkel, and she hopes to set up a plan on how to fight bullying in the schools and get parents involved so they can help stop bullying in the home. "We always appreciate parents wanting to get involved, we would absolutely love something like this to take off," Schloss said. "These issues start at home, and at the end of the day we need that partnership between parents, the school and our safety forces to tackle these issues." Also speaking at the meeting on Tuesday was Tracy Winborn, who has a child in the Lorain County Joint Vocational School and is a licensed therapist with Serene Counseling and Wellness of Solon. Winborn spoke about the realities of how bullying affects individual children and the culture and society of a community. "Bullying is not a normal part of growing up," she said. "It's not something kids just get over. It's a direct attack on a child's self-worth, and the damage doesn't stop when the bullying ends. … The scars of bullying don't just fade away, they follow young people into adulthood. That looks like chronic depression and anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, which we know as PTSD, substance use and substance abuse as a coping mechanism or alcoholism; let's be honest, these kids are already doing it." Both Berkel and Winborn spoke about the dangers of self-harm and violence that bullying can lead to, both saying they were motivated to act before an Elyria child loses their life due to bullying. Winborn said that schools needed to focus more funding on counseling and mental health awareness and treatment, but she also echoed the idea that children who didn't learn empathy and personal accountability at home, would not exercise it at school. "Schools must do more than hand out suspensions," Winborn said. "They need clear anti-bullying policy, trauma-informed staff and safe reporting systems. Parents must be actively engaged; teaching empathy, checking in and not dismissing their children's cries for help. … Of course you need (suspensions), but that is not going to stop them if you don't get to the root of the problem because there's an issue with why they're bullying and it's so hard because you know their parents aren't going to get involved." Bullying is not an issue limited to Elyria Schools, Berkel said, but a "epidemic" that she has seen examples of in multiple other districts which her children have attended. Berkel said that the first step is getting parents involved and being fair to everyone, including the parents of kids who are doing the bullying. Without buy-in from everyone, she said, nothing will change. Following her plan to speak at the board meeting on Oct. 1, Berkel said that she will begin holding meetings every other week at the conference room of the Elyria Public Library System's West River Branch beginning at 6:30 p.m. on Oct. 7. Berkel said she is also reaching out to city officials, local businesses and even sports teams like the Cleveland Browns to try and build a network to fight bullying in Elyria Schools. She said she was aware that tackling the issues discussed would be an uphill battle and changes would take time, but Berkel said that she and other parents were tired of waiting for things to get better. "It is going to be long fight, I'm not going to sugarcoat it," she told the attendees as the meeting concluded. "Especially based on the turnout tonight. But we are going to fight for our kids until something changes, and as I said at the start, if not us, who?" Contact Owen MacMillan at (440) 329-7123 or omacmillan@chroniclet.com.