Jim Ingraham: Are the Guardians striking out enough? (Yes, that's a serious question)

OK, now, hang with me on this. I think I've figured out why the Guardians are having such a lousy season: Their hitters are not striking out enough. No, really. I could not believe it myself. I should have noticed this sooner, but the numbers are what the numbers are, and what the numbers are telling us is that Guardians hitters are getting way too many hits. They need to change their ways, cut down on all those hits and start striking out more. That may sound like it flies in the face of logic, but what does logic know? We are the ones with brains, so let's examine this further. I stumbled upon this bizarre trend Thursday when, for some bizarre reason, I decided to ascertain (I'm a big ascertain guy) how many times this season the Guardians have struck out. So I visited the Baseball-Reference website, and found out that so far this season the Guardians, as a team, had struck out a whopping 700 times this season. That's right, 700 times this season a Guardians hitter has walked to home plate, then walked away from home plate after striking out. So then I thought to myself, "well, this explains everything. The reason the Guardians aren't scoring more runs is that they have struck out 700 times!" Who knew? Not me, that's for sure. I mean, going into Friday's game, the Guardians had only played 85 games this year, but, as a team, they had already struck out a whopping 700 times! That's right, 700! That's an average of eight strikeouts per game! It's like Gabriel Arias is hitting in all nine spots in the Guards' lineup. In his 20-year career in the majors, Tony Gwynn averaged only 29 strikeouts per year. That's right, PER YEAR! This year, the Guardians, as a team, are at 700, and the season is only half over! No wonder the Guards have trouble winning games. They are spending way too much time walking back to the dugout after striking out. At least that's what I thought. Then I dug a little deeper, and, boy, was I surprised! As it turns out, the Guardians' 700 strikeouts so far this season is the FOURTH FEWEST of any team in the American League. If you will pardon the expression again — Who knew? Not me, that's for sure. Turns out I had the whole equation backward. Math never was my strong suit. I went into this research assuming that the Guardians' total of 700 strikeouts in half a season HAD to be a big reason why the team was having such a lousy season. Turns out the laugh's on me. In actuality, the Guardians' 700 strikeouts are the reason the team hasn't had an even worse season this year. Did I mention math was never my strong suit? In my preliminary so-called calculations, the Guards' 700 strikeouts were the fourth-most strikeouts by any American League team so far, per my buffoonish stab at modern math. However, in reality — where I rarely reside — the Guards' 700 strikeouts are actually the fourth-fewest strikeouts by any American League team. Now you know why my mother never sent me to the grocery store. For those who haven't already stopped reading this column due to the amateurish attempt at modern math, the Guardians' proper position in my attempt to identify, from best to worst, the American League teams who strikeout the most and the least, are as follows: Strikes out the least: Blue Jays: 585 Royals: 606 Astros: 665 Guardians 700 Strikes out the most: Angels: 842 Red Sox: 811 Yankees: 776 Mariners: 764 All of which brings me back to my original harebrained idea, which was supposed to be to reveal that the Guardians' inability to win more games was due in large part because they strike out too much. In actuality, however, the Guards strike out fewer times than almost any of their opponents. That's right, I had the whole equation backward. You're welcome! So to review, as I was trying to prove that the Guardians' lousy season was due in large part to their high strikeout rate, I inadvertently pointed out exactly the opposite. Their strikeout rate is among the best in the American League. So much for that theory. Hey, don't ask me. I just work here. Strikeouts should not be hard to count. But for some of us strikeout-challenged journalists, strikeouts rank right up there with explaining the onside kick and the kickoff return rules in the NFL. That's why I like to stay away from statistics and prefer it if they would conversely stay away from me. So what do we know now, at the end of this column, that we didn't know at the beginning of it? I don't know. Actually, I do know. If I ever try to sell you a bag of statistics again, punch me in the nose. Contact Jim Ingraham at (440) 329-7135 or jingraham4@gmail.com.