Mythbusting the Joro spider

Unless you forgot to pay your internet bill, you might be in the tiny minority that hasn't yet heard of the Joro spider. If you haven't, then you need to know that all of humankind will fall prey to this giant, flying, spider of death in the next few years or, according to some unconfirmed reports, in the next few minutes. Yes, it's bad folks. It's really, really bad. "But, " you ask, "… isn't there something we can do?" Well, for one, you can keep reading this column and simultaneously stay away from salacious stories by wannabe reporters who have taken various attributes of this spider and exaggerated them into villainous proportions that only a Super Hero with a can of Super Spray can thwart. ("Holy arachnid Batman! It just ate the Batmobile!") Let's start here. The Joro spider is big, well, at least the females are big. The body of a healthy female may exceed an inch front to back (aka: fangs to spinneret.) The widest span between the tips of its legs can just about reach 4 inches. For a spider, that's pretty big. But most authors don't tell you that, most of the time, they are quite a bit smaller. For a female to reach that size, they have to make it through the summer. They start out quite small and only with a good diet of bugs do they eventually grow to large size, say, by September or October. Males, who are rarely mentioned or even photographed, are only about 25 percent the size of the female. All in all, they are just about the same size as our common golden garden spider (aka: Argiope) which also takes all summer to reach full size. (More on the Argiope later.) The Joro spider is not native to the U.S. It is an alien species that, somehow, made its way here from eastern Asia. It is likely that it was an accidental stowaway on some shipment that landed in the Atlanta, Georgia, area in 2013ish. Remember, they are small early in the summer, so hiding out on some plant material would have been easy. The tricky part centers on how the heck they multiplied. Was it, for lack of a better term, a pregnant female? Was it a bride and groom on their honeymoon? Was it a hitchhiking mob of them on the back of some airline passenger and the other passengers were too embarrassed to mention anything? Or did they fly here themselves? (More on that in a second.) Regardless of the means of transportation, the darn thing did arrive in Georgia, it multiplied, it spread and then it hired Stephen King as a press agent. It appears that the Joro's 'unaided' speed of range expansion is about 10 miles per year. So far, they have been spotted in Georgia, Alabama, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Maryland and West Virginia. That said, they are not just 'naturally' spreading. Case in point, a researcher accidentally took one home to Oklahoma. (Its disposition was not available at press time…but a unconfirmed source stated that upon discovery, a loud scream was followed by a sound that could only be described as a 'stomp'.) Even a range expansion of 10 miles per year seems extreme for a spider, especially for one that seems to just hang out at its web day after day. So, how could it move so much? Well, it flew! Yes, Joro spiders can fly! Yes, they can, OK. They can't fly, but like a lot of other spiders, they can "balloon," but they can only do so when very young and very small. Ballooning, also called kiting, is actually a pretty nifty thing. It requires several strands of spider webbing, a good breeze and some static electricity. To balloon, a small spider must find a high, open location and squirt out several long strands of very thin silk (spiders can manufacture all kinds of webbing). If a breeze catches the silk, they let go and float away. They usually float just a few feet or yards, but sometimes when caught by gusty winds, or literally suspended by static electricity, they can float for hours and miles. Please note the use of the word "float" here. They truly can't fly, but using their silk like a helium balloon, they can float. They also can't control their floating very well. Short floats can keep them within a regional habitat, while long floats might just land them into an environment that they are completely ill-suited for. Joro spiders are orb weavers by trade. That means they create classic round spider webs. In the fall, when the females are at their maximum size, these webs can be quite large up to 10 feet by some accounts. (That's 10 feet across, and not 10 feet deep as some overzealous writers have suggested.) Like all other orb weavers, Joro spiders are not really hunters. Rather, they are waiters, very patient waiters, and whatever sticks to their web becomes their food. It has been suggested that Joro's might just help curtail the overabundance of alien invasive insects, such as brown marmorated stink bugs and spotted lanternflies. While it is true that Joro's are one of the few spiders that will eat stink bugs, their hunting approach is too random to put any faith into this. …as for spotted lanternflies, their ranges don't overlap, at least, not yet. Like nearly every true spider, the Joro spider injects its victims with a "venom'" This venom is more of a digestive agent, and while it does kill its prey, it also liquifies its innards. A day after injection, the spider simply drinks its meal. Yumm! This venom is also used in self-defense. So, technically, the Joro spider will inject its venom into an overly-curious human. The result is pain. In fact, to most people, it is minor pain. And sometimes there is no pain because the "fangs" of the Joro are really small and they sometimes don't break the skin. Moreover, Joros don't even like to bite. Some studies have found that they are one of the shyest spiders around. Hmmm! What should one do if they encounter a Joro spider? My suggestion is to take a picture, perhaps a selfie, next to it. My strong suggestion is to not kill it. Joro spiders look a lot like our native Argiope (golden garden spider). This neat native is fascinating and very beneficial. As of now, the Joro spider is destined to spread up the East Coast, as well as expand west. It is hard to say when they might show up in your area, but by all legitimate accounts, it is just a matter of time.